How many times have you been told to take 10 deep breaths, calm down, or that your fear reaction isn’t warranted? The internet and social media are full of advice on mindfulness, meditation, and other techniques for managing emotional dysregulation. But here's the catch: these strategies can be ineffective unless you understand how your body perceives cues of danger.
The truth is, our bodies are much smarter than our thinking brains! While the thinking brain can be skilled at using techniques to achieve calm, it’s not always in charge. You can repeat “I am safe” a hundred times, and you might even manage to slightly reduce an elevated heart rate. But if your body is still perceiving a threat—like a tiger in the bushes—you’re likely to experience what’s called the boomerang effect, where your emotional state becomes even more dysregulated.
This is where the concept of neuroception—a term coined by Dr. Stephen Porges, the developer of Polyvagal Theory—comes in. Neuroception refers to our body's unconscious ability to detect danger. Imagine a time when someone you love startled you. Perhaps you thought you were alone, turned around, and suddenly saw your loved one standing right behind you. The shock and fear you felt might have dropped you to your knees. But what actually happened? You turned around and saw someone familiar—someone you trust. Yet your body had already perceived danger, responding far before your thinking brain could process who it was.
Our autonomic nervous system works at lightning speed, responding to perceived danger even before our conscious brain has time to react. And this system will not be overridden by the thinking brain, no matter how much you try to rationalize or calm yourself down. If you're trying to self-regulate but the environment still feels unsafe, you're only likely to make things worse. This is why we need to prioritize creating a felt sense of safety for our bodies—addressing the deep-rooted, evolutionary cues of danger that reside in our nervous system.
Some people are particularly sensitive to environmental cues of danger. For instance, the low rumble of an idling truck might trigger an intense fight-or-flight response in some people, while a facial expression or tone of voice can send others into a similar reaction. Once the body is activated, the thinking brain often spins a narrative to explain the body’s response. You might only notice the story your mind is telling you, missing the crucial fact that your body was triggered by something as subtle as a rumbling truck or a particular look in someone’s face. These cues might be tied to past experiences or relational misattunements—things your conscious mind might not even be aware of.
Before jumping into emotional regulation techniques or trying to use your thinking brain to calm an activated body, take a moment to scan your environment. Get curious about what might have triggered your body into a defensive state, and attend to that trigger. It could be as simple as naming the trigger—“I think that truck rumbling is unpleasant for my body.” In neuroscience, this strategy is known as name it to tame it. By naming the trigger and acknowledging it, you help your nervous system settle, making your self-regulation tools far more effective.
It may take time to uncover the various triggers your body reacts to. You might need to experiment, track your responses, and look for patterns. But once you start to connect the dots, you'll be amazed at how much easier it is to create an effective self-regulation practice.
Understanding how your body perceives danger is key to managing emotional dysregulation. Only once you've addressed the felt sense of safety can you begin to use mindfulness or other strategies effectively, ensuring that your environment truly feels safe and secure.
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