From Our Bookshelf: 3 Parenting Favourites
As both a Ripple therapist and a mom to toddler twins, I spend a lot of time thinking about children, behaviour, nervous systems, and parenting.
And let me preface this by saying that knowing the theory and living it in the middle of real-life parenting are two vastly different stories.
There are still toddler meltdowns, rushed mornings, bedtime negotiations, and plenty of moments when I’m overstimulated, touched out, and my own nervous system is working over time.
But there are a few books I find myself coming back to again and again, both personally and professionally. Not because they give us a script for what to say or do, but because they invite us to see children differently, to look beneath the behaviour, and ultimately, to understand and know our children more deeply.
And that shift in perspective is very much at the heart of how we practice at Ripple.
Book 1: Brain-Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke
If there is one word we say more than any other at Ripple, it’s curiosity, curiosity, curiosity.
“What is their nervous system telling us?”
Brain-Body Parenting beautifully explores the connection between the brain, body, nervous system, and behaviour. It invites us to move away from seeing children as simply being difficult, defiant, dramatic, or attention-seeking, and instead become deeply curious about what their behaviour might be communicating.
Is their nervous system overwhelmed? Are they tired, hungry, overstimulated, anxious, disconnected, or simply beyond their capacity in that moment? Is this behaviour their attempt at regulation? What might be happening underneath what we can see?
As a therapist, I love this lens.
As a toddler mom, I need this reminder regularly.
Because when you’re already running on empty and find yourself in the middle of yet another meltdown, curiosity doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes we need the reminder, too: there is something happening underneath this behaviour.
This book aligns so closely with our Ripple lens. It reminds us to parent the nervous system that is actually in front of us, rather than relying on a generalized approach to what children “should” need or how they “should” respond. This can be especially helpful when we’re trying to understand neurodivergent children, whether they have ADHD, are autistic, have a PDA profile, or simply experience and respond to the world differently than society might expect. Instead of asking a child’s nervous system to fit a particular parenting approach, we can get curious about the particular nervous system in front of us and adapt our approach accordingly.
Rather than focusing only on stopping or changing a behaviour, we begin with understanding the whole child: their unique brain, body, nervous system, environment, and what their behaviour might be communicating in that moment.
Book 2: The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
This is one of those books that makes neuroscience feel practical and usable.
The Whole-Brain Child helps us understand what is happening in a developing brain when emotions become big, thinking becomes harder, and children temporarily lose access to skills we know they have.
One of the biggest ideas we come back to at Ripple is that children need connection and regulation before they can access upstairs brain functioning like reasoning, problem-solving, impulse control, or learning.
Knowing how to calm down and being able to calm down in a stressful moment are two very, very different things.
That distinction changes everything.
It helps us shift from “You know better” toward “Something is making it hard to access what you know right now.”
That doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries, expectations, or accountability. It means we consider the state of the child’s nervous system as part of how we help them get there.
Book 3: Self-Reg by Stuart Shanker
Rather than immediately asking, “How do we stop this behaviour?”, Shanker encourages us to consider the stressors affecting a child’s capacity.
Sometimes what looks like misbehaviour is actually a nervous system carrying more than we realize.The things that we don’t consider as stressors as adults can flood a little nervous system.
This is something I think about often with my own twins. A scratchy tag on a shirt, a move, being sick, growing molars, a loud environment, a change in routine, the dog stealing their croissant, then being asked to get strapped into a car seat can all add up. What might seem like a series of small, unrelated things to us can be a whole lot of stress landing on one little nervous system.
The behaviour we see at the end may only be the tip of the iceberg.
That idea fits beautifully with how we approach children and families at Ripple. We want to understand the whole picture: the child, their relationships, their environment, their sensory experiences, their stressors, their strengths, and the nervous system underneath it all.
Books, Not Rulebooks
Maybe this is the most important part.
None of these books are parenting instruction manuals.
I don’t think there is one “right” way to parent, and I certainly don’t read these books and follow every suggestion to a tee in my own home.
They are resources that help us to shift our parenting, one small ripple at a time.
At Ripple,we believe nervous systems matter. We believe in curiosity over judgment. We believe connection and relationship make a world of difference. We believe children do well when they can, and that parents are humans with nervous systems and histories of their own.
And we believe that understanding what is happening underneath the surface often gives us more options for what to do next.
So take what resonates. Leave what doesn’t. Adapt it to the child in front of you.
And just know that even the therapist writing this parenting blog sometimes has two toddlers melting down simultaneously while internally repeating, “This is chaos, but it is NOT danger,” trying to stay regulated-ish, tend to her own nervous system, offer herself a little self-compassion, and get my thinking brain back online enough to remember everything she has ever learned about nervous systems.
Ask Us Anything!
Join us for Coffee & Connect: Ask a Ripple Therapist, a free virtual drop-in where you can bring your questions, get curious with us, and talk through any of the ideas or concepts we’ve shared here (or anything else that’s been on your mind!).
Our next Coffee & Connect is October 14 from 12:15–1:00 pm ET.
Grab a coffee, bring your questions, and join us from wherever you are.
Save your spot here for the link to join.
Explore more resources, join an upcoming workshop, or reach out for a complimentary 15-minute consultation. Because sometimes, small ripples create the biggest waves.
About the Author
As a mom of toddler twins, therapy dog enthusiast, and lover of food. Christina is passionate about helping people understand the "why" beneath their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours while finding practical, compassionate ways to support everyday mental wellness.
Christina (Lee) Billyard is a Registered Psychotherapist and Professional Art Therapist with nine years of experience, currently practising at Ripple Effect Services, a Toronto-based mental health clinic. She works with children, teens, adults, and families using neuroscience-informed, relationship-centred approaches that integrate Polyvagal Theory, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and other evidence-based therapies.
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