Have you been burned by an ex-partner and now find it
hard to trust in a new relationship?
Do you refuse to eat out after a bad experience with food poisoning?
Did you bomb your last public speaking gig and
now dread having to present again?
Try the Safe Emergency Technique. It’s a guaranteed method when done correctly. To make it work, you need to pay close attention to the pace that your body needs. Your mind might urge you to “speed this up” or “just get this over with,” but if you can resist those urges and allow yourself to go at your body’s pace, you will find success. Paradoxically, the slower you go, the faster you'll progress.
The Idea Behind It: Our brains are hardwired to protect us from repeating past mistakes—especially those that were painful or dangerous. This is why we might tell ourselves “never trust anyone again,” “never eat out again,” or “I’ll never speak in public again.” These are survival instincts that helped our ancestors avoid life-threatening risks. Humans didn’t survive because of superior fighting or fleeing abilities, but because we learned, adapted, and remembered how to avoid life-and-death mistakes.
Let’s appreciate this brilliant survival mechanism for what it is, but also recognize that it’s not always helpful in modern life. Don’t let the weight of this evolutionary baggage rob you of the joy that new relationships, dining out, or sharing your voice can bring.
The Body's Response: When our brains start warning us about perceived dangers, they trigger a fight-or-flight response. This prepares us as if we were facing a predator—speeding up our heart rate, quickening our breathing, and sending blood to our core. Our body reacts as if we’re facing a tiger, but in reality, the “danger” may be far less threatening.
How the Safe Emergency Technique Works: The key is to create a manageable challenge that’s just outside your comfort zone. For example, let’s say you want to overcome your fear of eating food purchased outside the home. The challenge should feel slightly uncomfortable—enough to activate your body’s emergency response, but not so much that you become overwhelmed.
Start small. For instance, you might walk into a coffee shop and order a drink. Then, give your body time to acclimatize to the experience. Notice the thoughts that arise—perhaps warnings about risk or danger—and sit with the sensations for a while. You may or may not drink the beverage you ordered, but just stay in the discomfort.
Use all your coping strategies: self-talk, deep breathing, grounding yourself in the present, holding a friend’s hand, or observing smiling faces around you. Stay in this safe emergency for as long as you can.
Gradual Progression: Next, take a very small step—perhaps the same step again, but this time you take a sip of the drink. Ensure that each step is a manageable challenge. The key is to progress slowly—allowing your brain and body to gradually acclimatize to the discomfort of the situation. Over time, you’ll scaffold yourself toward your goal.
The Power of Compassion and Patience: The beauty of this technique is that it respects your fear response and the evolutionary mechanisms that drive it. Too often, we try to push ourselves forward by bullying our fear, using harsh self-talk like “don’t be stupid,” “grow up,” or “just do it.” This approach may give you temporary success, but it’s rarely sustainable and can even sabotage your future efforts.
The Safe Emergency Technique is rooted in self-compassion, self-love, and most importantly, self-acceptance of the pace we need to move forward. When our fear-driven parts trust that we won’t overpower them, they collaborate more willingly.
“Power over” never works. But “Power with” is the key to long-term success—and it is, in fact, the most important way we survived and thrived as a species.
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